I'm in trouble now
I never did officially lose my virginity. The one time that one guy
tried to poke it in, and it hurt, it also made me have to pee so bad
that I ran to the toilet. That was the end of that awful adventure. I
had fallen and hit my head so hard on the cement in a tunnel under a
street earlier in the night that I could hear it echo. That was after
probably 8 beers and some sloe gin; disgusting stuff, sweet and cloying
like cough syrup but with a burning alcohol aftertaste in the back of
the throat.
We met the guys at the pool hall down the street from the state
capitol building. How something so seedy could be in the same
neighborhood as something so nice mystified me. Or would have if I had
stopped to think about it. But I didn't because I didn't care. I just
wanted a hot guy to like me, some money for smokes, and a night without
violence or fear. You could usually get two out of three, but not all of
them, and I took my chances every time I left the house.
I preferred menthol lights and switched brands frequently, never
being a purist. I was currently on Virginia Slims, soft packs, which
meant I needed a big enough purse to carry them and my loose change
around.
We met them bumming for change. Back when a few loose coins meant
something. Now it's all binary code - no real money, invisible value.
Back then it was a pack, maybe a side of extra crispy french fries with
barbecue sauce, Ranch Dressing had not yet been invented, and a cup of
coffee. If you found somewhere good, you could sit there all night
getting refills without ever paying again.
After the drinking and the fall the four of us went down into the
dark basement room. I was on a bed, my friend was on a couch and,
although we didn't know it at the time, the guy I was with had a younger
brother who was sleeping down there too, listening and watching while
we made out and he felt me up.
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